Problem Solvers Apply Here

I used to consider myself a prime applicant for any position that involved problem solving. My problems, your problems, world problem, any problems I was up for the challenge. I was certain that given all the facts, I could come up with at least one, and usually more than one, viable option to solve any problem. I'm not sure if this attitude was delusional or naive, probably both.

What I know now is that I can't even manage to solve my own problems, so I'm quite sure that I can't solve yours. When problem solvers enter our lives they tend to undermine our confidence. That's what all these past efforts did to the people around me. Someone would mention an issue they were having and before they had even finished explaining their situation, my mind was already spinning out solutions. What my actions were really unintentionally saying though was, "You can't possibly find a good solution without me." In other words, by not allowing someone to find their own solution, allowing them to trust their own abilities to problem solve, I was undermining their confidence. This creates more problems that need to be solved and so on and so on until everything in life starts to look overwhelming and like a problem.

This warped overestimation of my abilities does create job security. I mean let's face it once I've convinced everyone around me that I'm the only one who can solve their problems then I am certain to have unlimited problems to solve, but I wasn't looking for job security. Nope, in fact, I was solving problems to help people, but turns out it only managed to hurt them. I failed as a problem solver because my efforts resulted in the opposite of my goal. It is a good thing that I finally reached the point where I could admit that fact. Admitting I have a problem is the first step, so now that I know that problem solvers only cause more problems, I can let go of that unrealistic and damaging, albeit, well meaning behavior and replace it with something that is truly helpful. Like listening.

Listening is a dying art. In the past I've been so eager to share my unique, creative, wonderful, one of a kind insights with others that I have never allowed anyone to finish what they were trying to tell me. Communication is the key to knowing someone, to understanding that person, and to developing and maintaining a relationship with another person. Listening is half of the process known as verbal communication. I was only interested in the talking half of the process, so no wonder I knew so little about the people in my life. Now, I'm listening. I'm letting others tell me their problems AND their solutions. It's amazing how different conversations are when they involve a dialogue instead of a monologue. I'm listening and learning that everyone is a good problem solver if given the opportunity to brain storm their own solutions.

I don't always agree with the "best" solution a person might pick, but that's just my opinion and I have a 50/50 chance of being wrong. Actually, since we know ourselves better than anyone else, I would say that I have more than a 50/50 chance of being wrong. The good news is that once we pick a path, we don't have to write our solutions in concrete. They don't stand there before us for the rest of time. Solutions are more like waves that ebb and flow, the wave comes in and the wave moves back out. We try one thing and then we try another. Life is a lot easier when we allow ourselves this kind of freedom. Freedom to try new things, to follow our instincts, to admit our mistakes and to try something new, these basic liberties remove a lot of stress from our decision making process.

Imagine if you had to make a decision and right before you made up your mind someone said, "Think about it because whatever you choose can never be changed. You are stuck with this decision for the rest of your life." Whoa! That would be a difficult final decision to make for me. I used to believe that such was life. I was stuck with decisions that I made and if I admitted I had made a mistake that I would be considered a failure. Who can survive living under such strict and harsh standards and expectations? Well, I did, but I didn't enjoy life very much that way. Accepting that we are all human is the best place to start. Accepting that all humans make mistakes is another important fact to remember.

So, looking back at my life I have been very human. I have made lots of mistakes. Many of my decisions I wish I could reverse, some I can, such as what I'm doing now by deciding to embrace optimism, some decisions I can't reverse, but that doesn't mean I have to beat myself up for them. Nope, no good comes from beating myself up for past mistakes. I accept them. I learn from them. I move on. That's the best that I can do.

By giving up my job as a problem solver, listening more and talking less, accepting my own humanity and the imperfections that come with it, I can live a life that is kinder and gentler. I can see how life ain't so tragic after all. So all you problem solvers apply here for a new job that of a good listener and human being. It won't feel as powerful as your previous position, but that's okay, power is an illusion. Besides, I'd choose peace and kindness over power any day. Frankly, I think that you will find that once you can openly admit that you don't have all of the answers that life will become a lot easier to live, not only for you, but also for all the people you've been trying to help. At least that's how this change in jobs has worked out for me.