No Strings Attached

Typical for me, I've been eating the Engine 2 Diet now for over a month and I haven't lost a pound.  The good news is that my weight has stabilized more.  I still go up and down four pounds on any day, but no more and no less.  I think perhaps this is a period of time when my body is realizing it isn't a yo-yo.  It doesn't have to perform tricks.  It doesn't have to react every time someone jerks on the string.  It can just be!  No strings attached, just free!

I started a Yin and Hatha Yoga class.  It is wonderful.  It isn't rough, or pretzel in its approach.  It is about deep breathing, stretching, connecting from the inside out.  I'm amazed how centered I am when I leave.  There I can breathe.  There I can relax.  There I am safe.  No phones, no demands, no papers to write, no books to check in or out.  I'm just there and all is right with the world.   Of course the problem with that is that it only lasts 2 hours and then I'm back out in the midst of the other ants racing around to build the hill.  I try to hang on to some of it, but the world works to rob me of my peace.  I guess that is its job.  My job is to ignore it, to say no, and to use my breathing to stay connected.  If I'm with the ants, I'm the one humming, peacefully to myself in the corner.

Off to make myself a Rip's big bowl.  I'm totally addicted to this breakfast.  It is so good and lasts all morning! 

The End of the Waiting Game

I find myself in life's waiting room a lot.  I'm flipping through magazines waiting for someone to come out and call my name.  They aren't calling me back into an examination room though.  No, they are giving me permission.  Permission to live my life.  I keep waiting for someone to tell me that it is okay to take care of myself, to take extra time to do yoga, to stretch, to walk, to eat right, and to get enough rest.  Our society is a work based society.  We get rewarded for hard work.  The more work a person does the more valuable they are.  If that is true then why do we worship the rich who no longer have to work?  We are a conflicted society.  We don't even know what we want or what we worship.  We wait and hope someone else will tell us.  

Tomorrow is launch day!  I have my E2 grocery list ready and my menu for the week prepared.  I remember how difficult the first two weeks were when I first went on this diet.  I know I will have my moments of weakness, so I will need to have healthy alternatives ready as well as  a list of healthy activities I can use to distract myself.  The important thing for me  to remember is that my goal isn't to feel full every second of every day but to be healthier overall.  My goal isn't instant gratification but to enjoy a greater quality of life overall.  I'm not going to get this program perfectly correct, but progress is my goal, not perfection.

I'm nervous, but instead of picking up yet another magazine and continuing to wait, I'm taking an action.  I'm not waiting for someone else to call my name.  I'm calling my name.  I'm giving myself permission to live my life.  I'm taking the time that I need to live the  life I love and love the life I live.  There will be ups and downs, but just like a heart monitor, ups and downs indicate life.